hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
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