Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
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He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
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I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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