It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
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