guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
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you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
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We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
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