She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
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studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
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Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
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