She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
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