Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize