What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Randomize