I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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