this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
i now understand why vodka
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Randomize