I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Randomize