great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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