Since when is my name a synonym for head?
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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