I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
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