so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
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