What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
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