I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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