Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
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Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
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There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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