Pappa wants mamma naked
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
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