Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
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We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
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How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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