hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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