haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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