did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
as a side note pls kill me
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
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