My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
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