Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
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Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
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