she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
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