you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize