so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
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