so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
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That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
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How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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