Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
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