Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
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He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
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