right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
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