it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize