:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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