i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
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