Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
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She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
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I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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