I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
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Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
This baby is an asshole
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
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