After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize