Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
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