Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
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