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My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
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