i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
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