there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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