yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize