OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
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I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
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When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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