Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
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There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
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It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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