Already got asked if we're dating
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Randomize