Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize