The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
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You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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