I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
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